Before in time,
our holidays were arranged and coordinated between the members of our family, I
had my very own family and I was so proud of it, and we had splendid travels
together. After our divorce, holidays have always been a sensitive issue, not
always because of money, not because of lack of free time, but because of the
invisible issues I still feel as a single parent. Feelings that linger and
are dragged towards each summer holiday season in particular.
In the
beginning it was more difficult than it is now, but still, after so many years,
it would be a lie to say that traveling alone with my child isn’t a difficult
mental and emotional challenge when I start to think about what to do in the summer.
This has nothing to do with my son, but with me, and my fears, broken hopes,and that
terrible invisible feeling of inadequacy.
I have been
lucky to be invited to several vacation trips with people I know, and although
it makes me very happy to have places and people to be with, it has never really
eliminated the feelings and thoughts of being a third wheel on others people
life, and put a wrong focus on my own reality, accentuating this idiotic
handicap feeling. I was also fortunate to have a boyfriend during
some of those years, who made our holidays special and meaningful, but now I am
alone, and the old feelings reemerge and I question myself, why is it so easy
for me to travel alone, but so difficult to find a holiday plan for my son
and myself that doesn’t give me such a feeling of being incomplete?
When there are
no others to be involved in our holiday plan, it is time to be creative.There is no need to torment oneself trying to snap out those
feelings that rationally don’t make sense. I know I have to live with those feelings and
through them, until one day I will be freed from them (Hopefully).
I have a safe
haven for spending fun holidays, my family in Mexico, but it is an expensive
travel I can’t always afford. Charter trips are among the worst things that
could ever happen to me, I have tried two in my life, and I am convinced that
is not the way to travel for us. I am taking in consideration my son’s
open spirit for traveling, and my own interest as well. I have gambled on
self-planned holiday successfully all my life.
Thank life for
all the rational people that love me and rescue me form drowning in a glass half empty. The original idea, has now evolved to the
final idea to go as backpackers around Europe with my 10 year old, who has been most
excited about it.
This will be
our second long trip alone in seven years. Our first time was in 2012
renting a car and traveling around Denmark for 10 days, a memorable first trip
for us two.
After our trip
to Paris last autumn, a friend of mine on Facebook said "I wish I could do
that with my kids, but with five children that is impossible for us". I
replied to her, that I always wanted to have more children but I couldn’t, and
that if I could have chosen five kids, I would have done so knowing well traveling
was never again going to be on the agenda, but life threw me other cards and this is what I could do with the hand I was given, and I was lucky to be
able to see and show the world to my son.
A great
fortune!
No comments:
Post a Comment